


Death And New Life Through Hair Dye

by Ohnonnynonny



Series: Being Productive By Way Of Not Being Productive [6]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Awesome Gwen, Bets, Cracky, Friends to Lovers, Hair, M/M, Minor Background Relationships, Modern AU, Profanity, The whole gang is here, clueless merlin, morgana is the queen, playful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7791406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohnonnynonny/pseuds/Ohnonnynonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knew hair dye could cause problems yet solve others?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death And New Life Through Hair Dye

**Author's Note:**

> This little cracky story is based on a semi-true story. It's not spoilery, but I'll explain at the end notes.
> 
> As usual, not beta'd in anyway. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> This story is authorized for AO3 only. It is not to be copied or used elsewhere without my explicit written permission.
> 
> I don't own the characters to Merlin(TV) and am not profiting from this work. Enjoy!

“Just stop. STOP! Merlin, for fuck’s sake!” yelled Morgana, grabbing Merlin’s hands.

“I CAN’T! That bloody bastard knows how much I run my fingers through my hair. It was his real intention to get me bald from the start that piece of twice boiled shit!” yelled Merlin, wanting so desperately to grab at his hair again.  

“Hate to say ‘I told you so’—”

“Then don’t fucking say it—”

“But I fucking told you so!” Will sing-songed, while dodging a smack from Merlin. 

“Just be grateful that Gwen is an amazing hair stylist. If it wasn’t for her, your hair would’ve melted off at the salon, I’m sure of it. Just the fact that Gwen got your extremely raven tresses to platinum in one sitting is amazing,” said Morgana with praise in her voice. 

“What was the bet this time?” asked Leon from the kitchen. 

“Merlin here bet the princess that he wouldn’t be able to convince his father to dress up as the Queen for the fancy dress party last weekend,” said Gwaine with a chuckle.

“It was such a sure bet,” Merlin whined, before he all but banged his head on the table, leaving it there to wallow some more. 

Merlin and Arthur were known to be very serious about their betting. Because Arthur practically swam in money, their bets were weighed in ridiculous tasks and punishments. Throughout the years, Merlin had to shave his legs—something Merlin would never admit to feeling nice—, shave one eyebrow, grow out his hair to his shoulders, get a ridiculous buzz cut that made his ears stick out, tie his hair into ridiculous pigtails that looked like antennae for a week to work, and come to think of it, why did everything have to do with Merlin’s hair?

That being said, Arthur had his fair share of losses. He’s had to dye his chest hair pink and wear a very low cut v-neck for casual Friday, wear bowties to work for a month—which Arthur absolutely abhorred—, get his ears pierced to wear dangling heart earrings for a week, wear a ghastly rainbow colored dress shirt to a very formal dinner party, and countless others.   

Merlin lifted his head a little to see the worrisome pile of platinum hair that he’d been gathering on the table.

“Merlin, that’s disgusting, go throw your hair away,” commanded Morgana. 

Merlin grabbed the hair pile reverently in his hands before walking sullenly over to the rubbish bin. He closed his eyes let out a depressing sigh and tipped his cupped hands and let all the hair go. 

“How many times has he done that today?” asked Elena.

“This is about the fifth time. He tried to hold a bloody funeral the first time, but Morgana slapped his hands to make the hair drop,” snickered Will. 

“Fuck off, you bellend,” said Merlin, coming back from the kitchen to sit on the floor again. 

“I told you the posh git was full of tricks,” Will said unapologetically. 

“I know,” Merlin groaned. “He cheated. He has to have. I nearly had a heart attack when Uther came to the party dressed as the queen, but Arthur didn’t bat an eyelash. Come to think of it… MORGANA!!”

“Yes?” answered Morgana with a perfect poker face. 

“He fucking cheated, didn’t he! What did he have on Uther?” Merlin all but demanded. 

“It doesn’t count as cheating if he still had to convince him,” said Morgana very calmly. 

“I’m going to throttle him,” Merlin seethed. 

“I wouldn’t, he’d noogie you until you had a bald spot,” said Leon. 

“Where is he anyway? Doesn’t he want to see the fruit of his labors?” asked Will. 

“He’s picking up Gwen from the salon before he gets here,” said Lance, coming into the flat with bags of crisps and popcorn. “Wow, Merlin, Gwen wasn’t kidding.”

“Go ahead, get it out of your system now and make fun of me before the prat gets here,” Merlin grumbled. 

“No, that’s not what he meant,” said Percy, coming in behind Lance with the booze. “Who would’ve thought platinum would suit you so well.”

Merlin’s jaw dropped. He looked around the room to see the faces of his other friends, who were all nodding in agreement. 

“You lot are serious??” Merlin said with a hysteric sort of laugh. “I look like some 90s techno-loving, poncy git!”

“No, I think Arthur’s in for a rude awakening,” said Mithian with a smirk. 

“Oh, definitely,” said Elyan, agreeing with his girlfriend. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked a very confused Merlin. 

“Oh, you’ll see. Now get yourself together before Arthur gets here,” said Morgana. 

“As if he’d let Arthur see what a state he’s gotten him in. Merlin’ll hold a funeral for his hair later when he can sob in peace, but in front of Arthur, he’ll act like it was his idea all along,” said Will with a roll of his eyes. 

“Too right,” said Merlin, straightening his clothes out. He then finger-combed his hair to make it more stylish and had to hold back a whimper when more hair was attached to his fingers than he’d hoped. 

“They’re coming!” warned Percy from the window.

Merlin whispered a quick prayer of blessing for his hair before he threw it away in the rubbish. 

“Here,” said Gwaine, handing Merlin a beer. “You just stand there and look all cool and aloof.”

Merlin just gave him a silent nod. After a couple of tense minutes, the door handle jiggled. 

“Merlin! Oh  _ Mer _ linnn!” called Arthur in glee. “Where are you hid—”

As soon as Arthur saw Merlin’s face, all thoughts left his mind except one: _SHIT_ _. What have I done. _

“I’m right here, Arthur,” said Merlin with a steady voice. “Well then? What do you think?”

Merlin already looked fey before, but with his new hair, he looked positively ethereal. 

“You look like some techno, p-poncy git,” Arthur said with a shaky voice. 

“Might as well embrace it, I suppose,” said Merlin with false cool. They both missed the eyerolls that Gwen and Morgana sent each other. They also missed the brilliant gleam of an idea going off in Gwen’s head. 

“Oh, Merlin! I forgot to give this to you a couple days ago. It’s for your hair. It’ll help with breakage. I already told you to wash your hair only twice a week, but this you put it in everyday, okay?” said Gwen, taking out a bottle from her purse. 

“Thanks Gwen,” said Merlin, with blessed relief on his face that he couldn’t hide. 

“Here, I’ll put some in for you now, so you’ll know how to do it by yourself,” said Gwen with an innocent smile. 

“Sure! Thanks a lot Gwen,” said Merlin, mood getting brighter already. 

By then, the whole room clued into what was going on and watched with bated breath to see what would happen. 

“Just pump the bottle about three times. You should get a quarter-sized dollop. Then rub your hands together and concentrate on your roots before you put it all over your hair,” said Gwen, running her fingers through Merlin’s hair. 

Merlin let out an almost satisfied purr while Arthur had to muffle a strangled groan. 

“There! All done. I’m just going to wash my hands,” said Gwen happily and skipped off to the kitchen. 

When Merlin opened his eyes in a daze, it was to see Arthur, right in his face. Merlin absolutely did not yelp. 

“Merlin, I need to speak to you for a second,” said Arthur gruffly, before dragging him off to the guest room. 

“I give it five minutes,” Gwaine bet. 

“Not even. Three minutes max,” said Mithian. 

“Children please,” said Morgana, who was interrupted by a loud crash from the guest room. “They’ll be out in a couple seconds.”

As if she said the magic words, Arthur rushed out of the guest room, Merlin in tow. 

“We forgot we had a thing. Sorry, must dash!” said a harried Arthur. 

“A thing, yeah, last minute! Completely forgot!” said Merlin furiously nodding his head with that dazed look still on his face. 

With that, the door closed with a slam and all was quiet. 

“You evil mastermind. Is this why you didn’t tell Merlin that Arthur had the upper hand?” asked Will with awe. 

“They were pining for each other and frankly, I was getting sick of it,” said Morgana. 

“But how could you possibly know how Merlin would look like with platinum hair?” asked Elyan. 

“Ah, well, I can answer that. Morgana had a phase of changing her hair every two weeks in college. There was a time she went platinum and we’ve been together ever since,” said Leon with a fond look. “I should have seen this one coming.

“What would’ve happened if Arthur lost the bet?” asked Elena. 

“Then Arthur would’ve had to get an undercut,” said Gwen. 

“Merlin’s weakness,” said Mithian nodding in approval. 

“You guys orchestrated the whole thing didn’t you?” said Percy in fascination.

“You lot do know that the this whole betting thing was born as Gwen and Morgana’s pet project, don’t you?” asked Lance.

That led to a cacophony of cheers and questions from the group and Will mock bowing to Morgana and Gwen, who just fist bumped in all their glory. 

   
  
The End.

**Author's Note:**

> So a couple months ago, I basically killed my dark brown hair to get silvery, platinum hair. And while I don't regret anything, I've lost a lot of hair due to breakage. And I too, hold little funerals for the loss of my hair. I can only be grateful that I had A LOT of hair to begin with, otherwise, I'd be going bald. Probably. 
> 
> Anyway, RF update coming soon! 
> 
> x


End file.
